I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Text me some of your sweat
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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