so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
