Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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