But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
