I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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