Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
