Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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