is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
