There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize