I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is the high leading the old right now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
