Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
