i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
