I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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