good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
