Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
