what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
