I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize