He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize