I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize