My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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