He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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