Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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