i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
