if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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