just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
