don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
