these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
