No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
