Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i drank out of a bidet.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
