i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize