Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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