i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We're too hungover to prance.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
