her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
