So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
