New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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