Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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