I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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