Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
