Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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