He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
