i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
