Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sext me about skeletons
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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