theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize