we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
