You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
