today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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