I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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