She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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