someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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