so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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