please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
