she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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