I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
