More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
