Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize