it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
