Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
