people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't put those talents on a resume
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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