she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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