She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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