Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
