well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize