i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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