are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
