hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
