I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
