either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
