someone get that fucking seahorse.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize